How do you step into who you really are? I still get stuck in my roles, mother, wife, teacher, practitioner, et cetera. I know we can be present and still be all of those things by getting more empty, but I feel like I’m stuck in the middle. How do I give to self when I don’t even know who self is?

But the thing is, I don’t understand why you’re trying to work out who self is. When you  have been in the silence, when you have been in the place of no thought, when you have been in the place of connection to source to God in that stillness, and that is you, people keep trying to define who they are in that no thought, no emotion, connection to God’s face. There is no words there or there are no words there. And trying to define yourself in that place of no self, you’re never going to work that out. The thing is, you are not a mother, you are not a teacher, you are not a yoga instructor. You are none of those things. You are just being the sense of self who is doing that task, but you are not that thing. So it’s in a sense, you are just in your role as a mother.

That is not who you are, it is just you making the sandwich for the child  in a state of presence. So you are not a teacher. You are just giving the words, the instructions for someone to be able to do a pose. But it comes from the essence of self, from who you are in that spaciousness, that consciousness, that’s who you are. You can’t use words to be able to describe that. And if you try to go back, I don’t know who I am, then you’re basically saying that I don’t realize that I’m connected to source and that I am consciousness, that I am the silent, the space, this beauty, I sit in that space of nothingness within that moment where nothing goes on, where you have no breath, there are no words, but that is you. So in everyday life, when you do the task of the person, you’re just doing the task. You are just doing the thing in order to do something during the day. But you are not that name of that thing. You are not Heidi, because Heidi is just the word for the vessel that is doing the action.

You are the state of presence that in that moment of nothingness has none of these things that has no demands, that has no wishes, that is just in that space of pure nothingness. So it’s not about seeking self, it’s not about defining anything. It’s not being able to write down the words to go, I don’t know who I am, because you do know who you are, but you’re trying to define it and you can’t put it in a box.

To take that state of nothingness into everyday life is the challenge. I guess that’s where the calm or empty layers help. Absolutely,

Absolutely. Everything is going to be a challenge when your layers are full, where they’re responding to the moment, they are damaging, the way that you perceive the next moment, they’re tainting it. Because if your layers were not full of life moments, or even there could be two or three, and I’ve talked about this before. As you become more empty, those life moments in the layers, and there could be two, could be far louder than the life moments that you had in the layers when you first started because there’s so much mud and there’s so many life moments. But as you become more empty, we feel more of an overwhelm because they’re like two life moments in the layers that are literally screaming and you can’t find them, and it becomes  an overwhelm. And then everything just makes you so irritable because there may be two life moments and the layers, and then you don’t know who you are anymore. You’re just caught up in the overwhelm. Then you get frustrated. And I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be this, I don’t worry that, but you are not any of those. You’re actually the calmness. You’re in the state of consciousness that is so utterly pure and vast. That’s who you are.

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